Monday, June 27, 2016

Lived once...died twice

LIVED ONCE , DIED TWICE

I felt so light, ready to flee in high sky, where no boundary of likes or dislike , pure and impure.......away from all society hindrance .I felt so high to be self and feel to be self  with an identity  and individual respect. Today I am what I am and not what I was as compound life in one identified body.
"That is what we call your body identification as NAME which distinguishes you from another by your acquaintances.....surprising there might be same name many more uncountable but their classification is always different  " whisper translated wind in words  in my ear..........I was glaring the new optimized life when this soft wind voice whispered into my ear of soul, which was so calm composed, soft far away from all pain, vanity or vandalized act ...all away from conceit world that created.
"so how do you feel with this new life?"once again the voice created resonance in my soul....a frequency which had endurance of silence of life and composite of daylight. I nodded with simple shift without any burden on heavy imaginary weight, "very good...very relax without  being conceit ......soft as concrete and hard as windblown away"....I continued with silence surrounded with sweet smell of bloom in life as blossom "you  know what, starved for whole life for this emotions..feeling of being open in unique to life as life......cried in pain, tear shed in happiness but every time, i ,never felt free from any pain or gain...gain i never had then."
"what me as I gained and what I lost is no more ....just sum up as everything is equalized, settled , solved....a imaginary mathematical quest" i continued as lost in back score of life after any examination we appear and the evaluate what we appeared in for and what we performed...self assessment.
Silence was again broke with disguised smile in whisper "was life mathematical problem for you....?"like small child ready to open with words and talk as he can I too responded" yes indeed it was and remained unsolved equation  with all theorem and axiom rationalized to solve or subtle it, but failed somewhere sometimes...may be many times...maybe I couldn't understand the application in life...lived life in pseudo  equation to understand different permutation ,combination , integral computation but somewhere limits didn't defied the matrix of life geometry."....
Before i could complete a cold wave of streaky question  was raised  as high but low tidal wave...."so you didn't match limit of life or in life?"
As if I was breezed stoned with question , numbed ...nailed fist which pained but no tears were flown......it gave me sense to understand what i missed is of life or in life. "no, I didn't understand clear limits of limitless life! true limit of limitless life i never understood...now i understood  how wrong was I when boasted how Rich I was...possesses but never pertained ever  forever....neither theoretically or practically"...I smile laugh on myself for first time  not being able to understand the quest till date.....which rattled my rest of life.
In fact this is not what I felt ,but most of living life lived progressive with one or alternative adjective. How many of life understood what life meant was in end and never versed before......it did tune lots of symphony with best of verse but couldn't felt the understanding is unique as best. In the midnight ocean of life, we wait for the best in end and never before the end comes....joy of life we we save as the best of last.....but when is last....in paradise of horizon...life sets for the new destiny but never fetch real meaning of last for the serve..specially a joy. We wait to make wait silhouette a final impression but we fail to understand by the time life will be over..ever.
"Today I feel colorful life to be more colorless, and colorless life more colorful, more composed , more content and clear of life vibrant that many or all of us miss in search of real life...we missed it......but then it's too late for everyone....for me...I never understood till i lived, but today I am dead I realize life is more than we treat, we believe, than we live.
"I had lived once a life, but never realized till today, after dying i understood what i missed. I never lived life to death, but Died for life every death.
"Finally last question" clinch of light breath whispered," how do you define life in end of your journey?"........"I won't define but yes i would redefine life as illustrative illusion which keeps you alive to understand the and kills you when you understand the skillful art of life."
before more words would be transformed in me i asked, "who are you and why i feel you as me in me?"........there was dead silence to hear small resonance which came from within....."am soul which you believe and treat to be you  and distinct from other. I am one in all as all is one in me"........
Silence was flown in purple of life which I never thought of " today I didn't die , but I died earlier for not understanding the life. This death was merely declaration of body to transformed and decomposed  to futile more reasons others to understand..i died  when i couldn't understand life as live.".
Finally a smile I face " I am surprised  you were given an opportunity to live, why did you prefer reference of death. Don't be surprise, I am life...not to live but also to originate the every evolution for others to understand and live a life"
I realized that today I did not die at all but when i didn't live life as life.

"I LIVED ONCE BUT DIED TWICE"

by: d'pen sodha's